| Confused..... help!! |
[21 Jun 2005|09:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Thursday |
] |
The plans have changed AGAIN!! Kody and i are moving back on July 9th insed of the 30. This gives me more time to get a car, job and register for collage... but i am really not exctied about living with my mom again, i mean she is so CRAZY and i dont know how long i can live with her... i want to move back because all of my friends are there and my mom does need help with the court business but i dont want to leave my dad and Sherry... Things i hope will be fine i mean if i get a job and a car then i can move out with someone... and then i wont have to live with my mom but still it is so hard to live on your own, go to collage, and work all at the same time, i had thought about wating to go to collage in the spring but then i would loose modiviation and not want to go at all... i DUNNO WHAT I AM GONNA DO BUT I KNOW I AM LEAVING!
It is normal for me to be thinking about all of this shit? I mean would it be weird if i didnt? This is all so confusing and i dont know how i am gonna get all of my shit to my mom's because we are flying back and i only have 3 suit cases and all my stuff is not gonna fit... OH GEESE HELP SOMEONE I NEED SOME ADVICE BECAUSE I AM FREAKING OUT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!
|
(Smoke?)
|
|
[16 Jun 2005|11:26am] |
|
|
(another 2 *Smoke?)
|
| Moving on up ..... |
[16 Jun 2005|11:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
GODSMACK |
] |
Last night Kody and I went to see Lords of Dogtown! It was the shit!! I love that movie and there were so many hot guys!! YEP!! SO last night i told my dad that i was moving back to my moms and he was all like " I dont understand why you would want to move back up there when there is nothing there for you" That just made me mad because i do have things there like my MOM and BROTHERS and FRIENDS! ALl i got down here is a Job my dad and sherry! SO yeah! I just need to get my shit together when i am up there and yeah i am going to! I plan on getting a job and getting a car and live with my mom just until i am on my feet then move out and go to school and work at the same time. I can do it everyone does it! I dunno i am just frusterated, i dont get what the big deal is i am 18 and am able to make my own choices and this is a choice that i want to make so i am going to. I just wish they would let me whithout all the guilt i supose! I DUNNO i know they love me and shit and only want my best intrest at heart but yeah.....
|
(Smoke?)
|
| Kody is here |
[12 Jun 2005|07:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
So Kody came here yesterday and i am SO SO SO happy!! We went to a poker party last night and it was good fun, i won five bucks but that is all! Today we went to see Star Wars and i have decided that Haden Christensin/ Darth Vader will be my husband!! He is so hott! I am in love with him!
I still dont know what i am gonna do about the whole moving up there business?? I want to but i dunno what is gonna happen if i do... where will i live?? Who wants to live with me?? ANYONE?? Well i am gonna go for now and i will write more later
|
(Smoke?)
|
| No graduation for me :( |
[08 Jun 2005|06:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
So today was susposed to be my last day of my senior year but well i messed things up so I dont get to graduate with my friends :( Tomorrow WOULD be my graduation but i dont get one. Oh well.....
I dont know what i am gonnna do about the whole moving up north thing because i dont even know if my mom will let me move back up there. I asked her and she said she didnt know... WHAT DO I DO?? GO up there and just live with my friends until i can get a place of my own?? I dunno but i still really really want to move up there I miss my friends so so so much!!!! And my brother and my mom i dunno even thought all of the shit i just cant help it but i still miss her... WEIRD!
I went home early from work today because it was so slow and i wanted to go home anyways. So i got off at like 12:30 and i didnt have a ride so i WALKED!! It is like 2.5 miles!! I havent walked that much in so so long! Then i came home and layed in the backyard and tanned! (more like burned). Ever since i have been back from my mom all i want to do is nothing and wait for Kody to come down here which happens to be in 3 days!!! I am so so excited! WE are gonna go do the beach so much he loves the beach and i dont like to go in the water but i like to watch him surf and tan. But that is all for now!!!
|
(Smoke?)
|
| DECISIONS DECISIONS!! HELP!!!! |
[01 Jun 2005|06:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
White stripes |
] |
So i went to my moms and saw all of my friends which was great beause i realized how much i missed them and want them back in my life.... then i got a tattoo with Danielle and Jae Tasia wanted one but would take too long and TONS of money. Then went to court with my mom and that went well..... ummm my brother had his appendix taken out and he is in pain.... i dunno i want to like move back to redding but everyone that i talk to is all NO YOU SHOULD STAY DOWN there and what not but i reallly miss everyone and i dunno what i am gonnna do with my self....*what song is that anyone* Also when i was up there i met this really cool guy named Rudy and yeah.... i dunno much i am just freakin on if i sould move up there or stay down here?? I think if i moved back i could move in with my friend Nichole and just rent a room from her because she has a house but i dunno... i dont have a car but am getting my licence soon... I DONT KNOW HELP HELP HELP!!!!
|
(another 2 *Smoke?)
|
| My birthday is tomorrow |
[14 May 2005|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
moody |
] |
Yeah so i went to Vegas and it was SO SO SO much fun!! I am in love with Stevie Nicks!! I loved that concert so much!! We walked up and down the strip and it was a lot of fun.... my birthday is tomorrow and my mom didnt even send me anything.... but maybe she is waiting unitl i come up there... i dunno but i hope that my dad planed something cool because this is going to be the first birthday that we are gonna spend together for 8 years!! But he prolly wont..... i dunno i have been all emo and i dunno am just excited to go see my friends in Redding... i hope they are excited to see me!!
|
(another 2 *Smoke?)
|
| Las Vagas here i come |
[09 May 2005|09:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jerry Springer |
] |
Well my birthday is comming up next Sunday but on Wednesday i am going to Las Vagas for a Stevie Knicks concert with Sherry and i am excited!!! Then my birthday is on the 15 and i will be the big 18!!! YEAH FOR HEATHER!!! On the 17 i go to get the rest of my teeth finished AHHH i hate the dentist!! HATE IT HATE IT!!!! On the 21 I am flying up to Redding thats right i am going to visit my mom and friends!!! I am excited and hope i get to see everyone longer this time becaue i am gonna be there a week!!! TASIA, TOIBN, DUSTIN AND ZOE WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! Iam going with Jae and Danielle to go get my tongue pierced while they get tatoos Tasia you should come and get something peirced or tatooed!!! got to go to work now!!!
|
(another 1 *Smoke?)
|
|
[03 May 2005|09:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fuse |
] |
Life is still ummm gay.... I work all of the time and only have Tusedays and Wednesdays off which today i have to AGAIN go to the fucking dentist and get 7 teeth filled!!! But then i am done. Went to a friend of mine's party and had fun there... i know what some of you are thinking .... *cough tasia cough* YES I was a good kid and didnt do drugs or drink a lot. I feel stupid most of the time at work because i HATE MATH and am so slow and yeah!!!
My mom is going through alot and prolly have to go to Redding sometime which is cool cuz i get to see my fiends but sucks because of the reason that i have to go up there. I am really annoyed with Dani the stepbrother because he is a SPOILED little brat!!! HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!!! EVER!!!
Kody is comming down here soon and that is cool and i am excited... i get paid Friday... but other than that life is still gay and i am still here doing the same things and MISS ALL OF MY FRIENDS who are graduating without me and having a cool senior year while i didnt because i got screwed!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!! :(
|
(another 2 *Smoke?)
|
| Life is so weird |
[28 Apr 2005|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
AHHHHHHH.... life is so boring. It seems like nothing really has been going on all i do is work and that sucks. I didnt get to go to prom and that bummed me out but then i thought about it and decided that if i did still live there i prolly wouldnt have gone because i was so into not going to school or school functions. But whatever... things with my mom are still sucking with the whole court thing.
Kody is comming down here soon and all he wants to talk about with me is how he wants to "roll" (E) when he is down here and i am not down! I wish that he would stop doing drugs all of the time... but i am not really one to talk because i used to do them all of the time, but not like how he is.
Went to the dentist and they filled 8 of my teeth ONLY 7 MORE TO GO!!! THAT IS RIGHT 15 CAVITIES!!!! IT hurt so bad and they put me on the gas because i was freaking out!!! So May 3 I go get the other 7. Work is going ok i suppose there are these guys that like me and well.... yeah it makes me feel weird when people tell me that i am pretty and that is what they do. I dont think that i am!! NO WAY JOSE!!! Well that is all that has been going on with me so yeah
|
(another 1 *Smoke?)
|
| Let me just catch you up! |
[12 Apr 2005|10:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Silence... scary |
] |
So last Sunday night i was laying in my room about to go to sleep with my candles lit and then i got up to got down stairs and Kyle ( room mate) was all " Your room smells like pot?" "Are you smoking pot in here"? Then i said no and went down stairs and told my dad and sherry and they were like " We dont think you are smoking pot" * JUST TO SET IT STRAIGHT I WASNT * but then my dad all come up in my room sniffing around and he said that he smelled it too.... well whatever i was really pissed off by then and Sherry came up and she didnt smell it and Kyle was like " I cant have someone smoking pot in here" BLAH BLAH BLAH and so my dad said " If you think you got to go then you got to go but you are gonna make a BIG mistake" *** Dad to the rescue***! Now everying is fine we dont talk about it but it really hurt my feelings because i wasnt.
Other than that work is going good and i got a paycheck for $$605.00 for 2 weeks!! YEAH!! I also think i might like this guy at work but... well he is 21, and has 2 kids... so he is not available... but i think that he likes me because he is waits for me when we get off so we can walk out, he is always touching me like my hands and stuff but HE HAS 2 KIDS!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
|
(another 3 *Smoke?)
|
| Work, work , and some MORE work |
[06 Apr 2005|06:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
So all I have been doing is working... and spending money. I get paid on Friday and this check is gonna be SO SO much money. I am looking foward to it! :) Kody is comming down here soon and I am STOKED about that... it is gonna be fun! I love the people that I work with... well most of them... i am the youngest and so that is cool but i also am the only one that dosent drive but soon i will!! Things have been ok so that is all i gotta say....
|
(Smoke?)
|
| Tiredness |
[26 Mar 2005|07:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
So I work like 6 days and like tomorrow is like my first day off in like a long time. I dont know what else to say about that... it is cool working but not really, because of it being work. I work from like 9:30 to like 7:00. Yeah. I am so glad that Finding Neverland came out because i am gonna buy it. Uhhh yeah and other stuff but cant say now.... update later
|
(Smoke?)
|
| New job |
[14 Mar 2005|10:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Used |
] |
I havent updated in a long time because i have been busy. I got a new job at a theme park called Legoland... it is a cool place and mostly everything is made out of legos. ( I get free legos) Yeah it is pretty cool.
If any of you guys have been to a theme park and there are people standing at the frout gate and ask you if you want a picture taken that is what I will be doing. So it is fun. I went and saw Cursed which i thought was really good except for the screaming little girls behind us.
I got my perimt and have been driving... in southern California traffic :( OMG i hate it!! It sucks I get all nervous and shit. People really drive crazy. Last night I drove with my dad and it didnt go very well because my dad is really nervous about me driving and he just was not yelling at me but said things sternly and i started crying but it was all ok afterwards... he didnt mean it and apoligized and it is all new to the both of us so yeah. The step-brother's birthday was ont the 11th and we had fun... he got a BRAND NEW MP3 player that costed like 200.00. SO that is good for him. I am starting to have a sore throte so i am drinking hot tea with lemon and honey :) It makes it feel so much better. I have to go get a drug test today and i have never had one before so i am nervous about peeing in a cup but i will pass. Got to go ...
|
(another 1 *Smoke?)
|
|
[04 Mar 2005|06:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
That 70's show |
] |
Well nothing really has been happening I just have been bored and drinking Rockstars and going crazy on them. I clean like I am on some meth and like I am crazy! I have organized all of the cabnets and just cleaning like a crazy person would. I planted some flowers in the frount yard they look ok I suppose. So yesterday was my Uncles heart surgery and everyting went ok the bad thing is that Kody is left home all alone for the whole weekend, he can get into alot of trouble that way.
Today I was making some Snickerdoodles and things did not work out so well for me. The dough wasnt really like dough it was more like cake batter so i just kept adding more flour and I dont know if they taste good because I didnt want to eat them. But other than that nothing really has been happeing to me. Things are going ok i suppose... except for the re-runs of the OC last night :( oh well
|
(Smoke?)
|
| Feeling Down :( |
[28 Feb 2005|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ayo for Yay- yo Andre Nikittina |
] |
So i quit my job because it sucks and I have already graduated school and dont do anything in the day time. Now i am regretting it because I get really bored and do nothing all day. One of these days I am gonna get on the bus and go exploring but I think it might be a bad idea on account of that i live in a HUGE town, and i am new to this area and only know 4 street names. I dunno but I do get really bored and just clean and that is all really. I dunno and then everyone comes home and Sherry does her stuff, and Kyle is just not fun so i dont know my dad is way to tired.
I talked to Kody today and he told me that he got his permit! I am excited because i am gonna go get mine soon too. So yeah. Lately i have been really lonely and wanting a boyfriend and there is this one guy who likes me but he is older and wants to wait until i am 18 but i dunno if it would even work because it is a complicated situation so i would take a buddy that i can hang out with. I also need a new job and i dont know what i want to do... well i want to work in a music store or like a flower shop or a head shop that sells like hippie things. But i dunno. I havent talked to my mom since the fight" and i am kinda glad too because she makes me really really mad. I miss all of my friends back in Redding. :( I dunno what i am gonna do i think that i am just feeling sorry for myself and i should stop that. OH WELL!!
|
(Smoke?)
|
| Redding trip |
[23 Feb 2005|10:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ayo for Yay- yo Andre Nikittina |
] |
So i went to Redding on Wednesday and my older brother Christopher picked me up in Sac and he drove me to my mom's work. My mom was so happy to see me and that made me feel good. Then we went to my house and Kody wasnt there and my mom started bitching about how he wasnt there and he does nothing around the house and blah blah blah... so Kody comes home and he is so glad to see me and i am glad to see him too. So on that day my mom just kept bitching the whole night, about how Kody is out of control and she wants to know what to do and i tell her to send him to my dad's house and that was not an option. She just kept bitching and bitching the whole night until Don came or as i like to call him ( DICK FUCK DON) and then everyting was fine. So Kody and i go into my room and I tell him that he should come and live with me and he says " I dont want to but I want to make you happy and be happy with you and I will" So we go and tell my mom and she says "NO" we sent to bed.
The next day I woke up and went to the highschool and saw alot of my friends and it was cool because I didnt know that many people cared about if I left or not. Jae said that he passed me in the parking lot twice because she didnt recognize me. ??? Had i changed that much?? I didnt think so but people kept telling me that i had? I dunno. SO me and Jae went to Jamba Juice and saw Sabrina and then went back to the high school and saw a couple more people. Then she dropped me off and I went and hung out with Leanna and Donald and just hung out doing nothing just catching up on shit. Went home and went to bed.
Friday I hung out with Natasha in the day and she and I went and saw Jamaya who has gone nuts. She got arrested on the night of her birthday and she had been doing coke alot and shit. So i didnt hangout with her again. Then that night I hung out with Jae and Kylee, we went and saw Hitch, it was good except that it went on FOREVER! Jae kept wanting me to grab this Mexican dudes head that was infrount of us. Then we went to Starbucks and they met my mom's boyfriend ( Dick Fuck) and my mom is so crazy i hate it. She is nuts. Then they left and i was gonna go see my friend Megan's baby but couldnt get a hold of Natasha so I hung out with Leanna and Donald and Ashley and Kody. Came home and went to sleep.
Saturday we went to Oregon and saw my Great grandma and visited with her. The whole way up there my mom is saying some crazy ass shit to me the whole time! So we got home around like.... I dunno 6or7 and then I packed and went down the street around 9:00 to say goodbuy to Leanna and Ashley and Donald. Then Tyler and Teresa calls me and wants me to go to his house and see him really fast so i do and he just tells me about what has been going on and Teresa tells me gossip. Then i go home.
Sunday I LEFT!!!! Came back to San Deigo around 3:30 and i was so happy to be back. It was great seeing all of my friends and I am hopefully gonna drive up there for Memorial Day weekend and take Kody back with me. I havent called my work since i had been back becuse i dont want to go to work.
So last night my mom calls me and says
*MOM*: why didnt you call
ME: I called you when i got here
*MOM* : Why didnt your dad call?
ME: I dont know i told him
*MOM*: WEll if there is anyting that you need to come clean about now is the time.
ME: (confused) about what?
*MOM*: this case against me speding the money and you are the only one that has ever said anyting about me spending the money.
ME: You think that i filed the papers against you?
*MOM*: I am not saying that i just watned to give you the oppertunity to come clean about anyting.
-------Sherry grabs phone--------
So i am all pissed off because i would NEVER DO THAT AND SHE THINKS THAT IT WAS ME!!!! Christopher calls my dad snd says that sherry called my mom a bad mom ( which she never did) and that he is never comming down here as long as Sherry and my dad are together. Then my mom told sherry that Kody said that he is never comming down here because he hates her family.
I called Kody and he said that he was comming down and he never said that and " FUCK EM' ALL" i am still pissed off and yeah.
|
(another 1 *Smoke?)
|
| :( sad tuesday |
[15 Feb 2005|08:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
So today i do nothing and then Kody calls me to chat and he gets another call, and it is one of my uncles and my other uncle died yesterday. So i am going to my mom's tomorrow and am not excited about it. I am really scared about seeing my mom and all of the druggie friends. Plus my mom wanted me to stay. UHHHH NO!!! I have a job here and am not gonna stay. SO i will be gone for at least a week. :( so yeah and that is sad
|
(Smoke?)
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
crzy4penguins05's journal
blank